Ouch!
by MistyxKisame
Summary: During a night of hot passion, Legion accidentally makes it a little too hot. Featuring a brief appearance by Miranda.
WARNING- Shepard x Legion

You have been warned. Also I didn't know if I should put T or M, so M to be sure. This is possibly staying a one-shot unless you all want mini-Legions. XD Just kidding, anyway in the meantime I'm working on my other ME fanfics and another one.

* * *

Shepard bit his lip as he waited for Legion to finish up getting his surprise ready for him. The two had been in a secret relationship with Shepard going into extreme measures to make sure nobody would find out about them, especially Tali, who still didn't trust the geth and, according to rumors, had a crush on Shepard. Nobody could know, not even the hamster that did random flips on the dresser.

After months of experimenting and lessons on sexual pleasure, Legion seemed to have everything down pat and was ready to use something on him during their first real session. Shepard was a little nervous. It wasn't like he didn't trust him or anything, but it was literally his first time with anybody. Despite him bragging to Garrus about how many times he got laid, the truth was that the closest thing he had to pussy was Ashley who died before anything could go on between them, not that Shepard minded. He preferred Kaidan even if he did complain about his headaches or even Liara if she wasn't so boring sometimes.*

Once Legion emerged from the bathroom, he revealed what he had been working on: a giant penis. John Shepard just stared at the geth's new appendage. It was fairly big and was white colored to match the robot's body. At the tip, it was leaking something neon pink.

"Uh…what the heck is that?!" John blurted out before he could stop himself.

"It is what you organics call a penis." Legion informed him. "You should know this, Shepard-commander."

"No shit." He blushed. "I meant, what are you doing with a penis and that what's that pink stuff?"

"We are about to engage in sexual pleasure and the liquid is the best thing we have for semen. It will not harm you. Would you have preferred something else?"

"No! I mean what you have is fine." Shepard didn't want to sound needy. "Let's get started before I get blue balls."

"We were unaware that could happen."

"Not literally…never mind. No time to explain! Just get that sexy robot ass over here." Shepard was getting more and more impatient even more so that usual.

What happened next was something Shepard wouldn't ever forget for as long as he lived. It was a good thing he had asked the geth to place a ball gag over his mouth to prevent them for possibly being heard. Legion was pretty good in bed, taking him in all sorts of positions and hitting all the right spots mixed with the pleasure of the vibrating penis he had. He'd have to rub this fucking in Garrus's raptor face for sure when they were done. He wasn't completely sure if he should be rubbing this kind of stuff in Garrus's face. Everyone was still pretty leery of the geth. Oh well. He didn't care. He wanted and needed this. These days, Shepard wanted someone to cater to his needs, even if it was just every now and then.

Shepard's face was buried in his pillow, moaning loudly, while he was tightly gripping the sheets as Legion was pounding his ass like crazy. He couldn't help but to wonder if Legion had programmed himself to do this well or if he had done this before the war between the geth and quarians started up. There was no telling what past quarians did with those robots.

"Requesting to hear Shepard-commander." The geth announced. John could only nod in response. After a while, Legion informed Matthew he was about to fill the commander with his seed. As he "came" John could feel it inside of him.

"Legion, that was amazing. That felt so goooaaaAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed as what had been a warm feeling turned into a burning feeling inside of his ass. It felt like his ass was being burned.

Meanwhile in the lower places in the ship, everybody was going about their business when they heard a very loud scream fill the ship. Things were dropped, several people shat themselves, Tali's mask cracked, everything Garrus calibrated told him "FUCK YOU" and needed to be re-calibrated for a longer extent of time, EDI went offline, and Joker broke a couple of bones turning towards the blood curdling scream.

"Legion, what the hell was that?!" Shepard snapped at the robot. "You lunatic!"

"A miscalculation on my part, Shepard-Commander."

"What?" If Shepard wasn't in so much pain and Legion actually had a neck filled with blood and guts, he'd strangle the geth.

"We miscalculated how hot it should be. Some humans tend to like the feeling of hot semen inside of them. Well that's what we read on the extranet" admitted Legion. Shepard would have laughed if, again, his ass wasn't on fire. "We assumed you could handle it."

"Maybe you should have tested that shit out on me first."

"Hm." said Legion. "We'll try again later?"

"We'll see." said Shepard bitterly.

Before Legion could say anything, there was a knock at the door. "Shepard, are you alright in there?"

"Uh yeah! I'm OH SHIT!" when Shepard had tried getting up and regretted it. "Thanks a lot! I'll never get up get up again!"

"Shepard, I'm coming in!" said Miranda.

"STOP BACK! I just...I just uh..." Shepard tried to think of a good lie. "I uh...I just tried something stupid..stupid as fuck!"

"You..." Shepard jumped on Legion.

"Is that Legion in there?" asked Miranda.

"Yes."

"Shut up, idiot!" hissed Shepard.

"What's going on in there?"

"Nothing. It's my fault and Legion here was just a witness. Ignore him and everything that comes out of him!"

"I'll coming in there!"

"I'M NAKED!" Miranda was quiet for a minute. "Miranda?"

"I'm leaving."

"That was close." he sighed in relief. "Now, you get your happy ass out of here and work on that stuff again."

"We apologize." said Legion sounding a bit embarrassed and ashamed. "We didn't mean to cause you any harm.

"That's alright. Just be careful from now on." Shepard just rubbed the back of his head for a moment as they awkwardly stood there. He sighed. "Just stay in here with me tonight...and everyday after that. I'm pretty sure the A.I. core sucks."

"It's effective enough." said Legion.

"Hm, I see." Shepard winced as he crawled up further in his bed, got underneath the sheets, and patted the space beside him. Legion climbed in beside him resting it's head on Shepard's chest. Shepard drifted off to sleep with his last thoughts being on everyone asking him what the fuck he was screaming about.

* * *

*I've only heard Kaidan mentioning having headaches ONCE on his own. Another thing, Ashley said something and Kaidan briefly mentioned it. I remember someone saying they hated him always talking about his headaches. Meanwhile I've only heard about them twice. And yes compared to other romance-able females, I do think Liara is the most boring. She was kind of cute in ME1, but compared to the rest she ain't got no chance though I still ship her with male Shepard if you asked me for my top picks for male Shepard.


End file.
